Seccers 6 Freestylers 9
Well boys, where do we begin? Let’s get the ball rolling with a little in-jest roasting. WHERE THE FARK WAS EVERYBODY?
For those magic 5 who bothered to turn up (in order of arrival - Rupes, Sykesy, Tunksy, JBuck, Grims) it was a tremendous effort to go down with all guns blazing, 9-6 to the freewheeling, free-throwing freestylers (1 of those 9 being made up of a penalty for non uniform). To the others we serve up a big, blue and red raspberry. Heaven help us if we get all 15-18 “contracted” players turn up at the same time.
As we were set to tap off, all 5 of us on the field, looked over at the young, early 20 something fitness freaks, then looked at each other, then looked towards the car park for the cavalry and it was at this moment we realised that this was akin to “Custer’s last stand”. The writing was on the wall when JBuck commented that “you know we are in trouble, when you can bring a sly 6 pack for the boys and still take some home with you”
As if in unison, we telepathically decided that we were “Never gunna give in” and proceeded to inflict as much pain as 5 of us could do. We scored in the first set of six. Massive casualties inflicted. Half way thru the first half we were up 3-2 and our arses were dragging big time. The flying Grimmo was infiltrating their defensive line and causing major losses as he scampered over twice in the corner only to tell us half way thru the first half that the firing pin on his weapon (his hammy) was in need of some major repair.
We went to oranges down 5-4, looking and feeling like we were well and truly outnumbered, as there were only 5 of us.
We had just about asked everyman and his dog if they were keen for a run, while playing in the first half, only to suffer rejection time and time again. As we were getting ready to suit up the pregnant Nadine and/or the very keen Reuben, we spied a young fella (in the same mould as what we were up against) sitting on his lonesome, totally in awe of what had been transpiring in front of him. Of all the games he could have chosen to watch he picked the one where the blood, guts and courage was creeping out of every screaming pore of the gallant 5 of us. Grimmo offered him the chance to be a part of something special and he eagerly agreed. Now here gents, is the “future” of the Seccers, please welcome James Bannon.
Big Sgt Tunksy pleaded with us to “not leave anything behind”, “just give everything you’ve got lads” and off we charged into battle, the 6 of us. We were under the gun from the start and even Tarlo (ref) quipped “What did you blokes take at halftime”. The online defence was typified by yours truly constantly screaming at Sgt Tunks that he had the inside & outside man, that the “Mexican” was into him, no he’s into me, no he’s into you. Lads it was absolute gold. The “future” was diving at will, stopping tries with inches to spare and even scoring one off a clever drop split with yours truly. General JBuck was marshalling the troops like nothing ever witnessed before and was even showing some frustration at the ref, Sykesy chased down infiltration after infiltration and in attack hit every farken gap those Mexicans were leaving and came up with some well deserved meaties. He even had one disallowed when the ref called a touch that the “Indians” hadn’t even made or called.
You see gents, we weren’t meant to win. How can a team of 6 of us (5 for the first half and 1 player near mortally injured) beat the young and wily freewheeling, free-throwing freestylers. They probably deserved the win but geez we were hard done by on a few calls from the ref and also the no-show of some of the playing roster.
All in all it was a hard fought game and one that will go down in the annuls of history.
Only 1 game left for this year boys with the 9th Dec being a bye.
And from General JBuckBuck
But seriously lads, I’ve played in some games but to see blokes not only push through the pain, hammy strains and all (and give it to them I might add) and then just fall short of knocking them off was something to behold! This is what we’re all about – I think they were all pretty much Queanbeyan Kangaroos first graders; so young fit and fast but nowhere near the ticker and drive (and birthdates!) of the dad’s army of 5 last night (+1, second half). The scrambling in defence to deny them tries was unbelievable.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Round 5 - You might think you were happy but you're not
Seccers 2 Wii Not Fit 3
Seccers run of luck finally came to an end with a late try leaving them out of the top 4 with a 4-3 loss.
The boys struggled with numbers, fielding only 5 players in the first few minutes including a topsoil laden Haydos, who looked more like a chimney sweeper than his attempt to look like a hard working war horse. A possible 6th player disappeared quicker than a Tongan beach resident, as a shirt-less polynesian ring-in disappeared to another team who induced him with a real team uniform. Woody, who was sitting on the sideline plucking his chest hairs, eventually joined the game and finally Big Peter 'Tunks' and Burkie rocked up to give the team some relief.
The game saw Seagull put in his best performance for the season, scoring a solo try with his trademark right foot step kind of jink, stutterish thing... oh well, it fooled the slow reacting defender and made Seagull look very good.
Seagull was in all the action and threw a great ball to Grimmo who raced to the scoreline only to be tragically cut down with inches to the line.
We struggled to hit the ball up most of the game, and we were pretty ugly with the ball. But the guys defended their arses off and scrambled well to prevent further carnage. Both teams played a competitive game and were giving it to each other, and more particularly giving it to the aging geriatric ref who was always about a minute or 2 behind the play. Sheep stations certainly seemed to be on the agenda.
The boys came off the field at the end of the game, a bit disappointed, but proud of the effort they put in, particularly voiced by Rupes who did his bit on the sideline, straining his lungs through the broken ribs to help out the team. "You got to be happy with that effort boys" said Rupes in the pre-beer speech.
But the Seagull left his best until last, with his dry candour "You might think your happy with that, but you're not" as he wandered off without his beer.
Seccers run of luck finally came to an end with a late try leaving them out of the top 4 with a 4-3 loss.
The boys struggled with numbers, fielding only 5 players in the first few minutes including a topsoil laden Haydos, who looked more like a chimney sweeper than his attempt to look like a hard working war horse. A possible 6th player disappeared quicker than a Tongan beach resident, as a shirt-less polynesian ring-in disappeared to another team who induced him with a real team uniform. Woody, who was sitting on the sideline plucking his chest hairs, eventually joined the game and finally Big Peter 'Tunks' and Burkie rocked up to give the team some relief.
The game saw Seagull put in his best performance for the season, scoring a solo try with his trademark right foot step kind of jink, stutterish thing... oh well, it fooled the slow reacting defender and made Seagull look very good.
Seagull was in all the action and threw a great ball to Grimmo who raced to the scoreline only to be tragically cut down with inches to the line.
We struggled to hit the ball up most of the game, and we were pretty ugly with the ball. But the guys defended their arses off and scrambled well to prevent further carnage. Both teams played a competitive game and were giving it to each other, and more particularly giving it to the aging geriatric ref who was always about a minute or 2 behind the play. Sheep stations certainly seemed to be on the agenda.
The boys came off the field at the end of the game, a bit disappointed, but proud of the effort they put in, particularly voiced by Rupes who did his bit on the sideline, straining his lungs through the broken ribs to help out the team. "You got to be happy with that effort boys" said Rupes in the pre-beer speech.
But the Seagull left his best until last, with his dry candour "You might think your happy with that, but you're not" as he wandered off without his beer.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Round 4 - Seccer’s failed viral attack on Server Racks
Seccer’s viral attack on Server Racks (aka ACT over 40s rep team) failed to muster a win, with the boys escaping with a 4-4 draw after bombing numerous opportunities with poor finishing.
Seccers were inspired by infamous chick soccer player, University of New Mexico’s defender Elizabeth Lambert, who’s hair-pulling, kicking and punching antics made her famous world wide earlier in the week via the viral phenomenon of the internet.
But instead of one player taking on the whole team, the whole Seccers team targeted one man, the verbally annoying Maradona/Oompa-Loompa look-a-like Alex. After whining constantly that he was being man handled, Seccers took it upon themselves to knock him around with elbows, knees, shoulders and subtly placed bitch slaps. In fact he pretty much got thrown around like the little dwarf he is.
Unfortunately with these tactics, we took our eye off the ball again and continued to drop the pill on the first tackle and let in easy touchdowns with our wingers and links sucked in despite the many ‘drink bottle’ presentations and explanations. In fact one mistake at the roll ball was quite comical as Grimmo trod on the ball and nearly blew 2 years of rehabilitation on his knee.
Missing of course was the defence of JJBuckman, whose absence really demonstrated his worth.
As for the game itself, we were always chasing our tails when the Racks scored first. Whenever we levelled the scores, Racks managed another soft try. The score was 2-2 at half time and approaching the last 5 minutes we found ourselves 4-3 down.
The game was nearly won and blown when JJsoulman seemingly had Burkieman over for a score, but the poor pass bounced of Burkieman’s hulking chest right into the arms of the skinniest man on the field who raced away for an intercept. Don’t we have trouble with the whippet type players? A fantastic chase embroiled and the sinewy legged fellow was caught as he burnt up the remainder of his modest calves. My informant tells me it was the flying Sykesy who chased him down, which bizarrely looked like a mechanical rabbit chasing a greyhound instead of the other way round.
Another TD went begging when Tunksman only had to put the ball down to score, but hell it’s a long way for the ball to get down from that height. And Tunksman subsequently dropped the pill.
Thankfully Burkieman finally earned his recall to the team with a nice bit of razzle dazzle to equalise with seconds remaining.
Only one injury concern was to Rupes who chicken winged himself setting up a touchdown late in the first half.
The ladder sees us out of the top 4 on for/against. Saiyans 12, Freeballers 10, Wii 9 (+7), Racks 9 (+1), Seccers 9 (-6), ACT 21s 7, Omni’s 7, Smokin 6 and Tigers 4.
The team list this week (provided by Rupesman) was:
In: JJSoulman, Xman, Burkieman, Rupesman, Grimman, Tunksman, Haydosman, Sykesman, Scollsman, Seagullman
Out: JJBuckman, Woodman, Stuman, Willman, Lochieman
Seccers were inspired by infamous chick soccer player, University of New Mexico’s defender Elizabeth Lambert, who’s hair-pulling, kicking and punching antics made her famous world wide earlier in the week via the viral phenomenon of the internet.
But instead of one player taking on the whole team, the whole Seccers team targeted one man, the verbally annoying Maradona/Oompa-Loompa look-a-like Alex. After whining constantly that he was being man handled, Seccers took it upon themselves to knock him around with elbows, knees, shoulders and subtly placed bitch slaps. In fact he pretty much got thrown around like the little dwarf he is.
Unfortunately with these tactics, we took our eye off the ball again and continued to drop the pill on the first tackle and let in easy touchdowns with our wingers and links sucked in despite the many ‘drink bottle’ presentations and explanations. In fact one mistake at the roll ball was quite comical as Grimmo trod on the ball and nearly blew 2 years of rehabilitation on his knee.
Missing of course was the defence of JJBuckman, whose absence really demonstrated his worth.
As for the game itself, we were always chasing our tails when the Racks scored first. Whenever we levelled the scores, Racks managed another soft try. The score was 2-2 at half time and approaching the last 5 minutes we found ourselves 4-3 down.
The game was nearly won and blown when JJsoulman seemingly had Burkieman over for a score, but the poor pass bounced of Burkieman’s hulking chest right into the arms of the skinniest man on the field who raced away for an intercept. Don’t we have trouble with the whippet type players? A fantastic chase embroiled and the sinewy legged fellow was caught as he burnt up the remainder of his modest calves. My informant tells me it was the flying Sykesy who chased him down, which bizarrely looked like a mechanical rabbit chasing a greyhound instead of the other way round.
Another TD went begging when Tunksman only had to put the ball down to score, but hell it’s a long way for the ball to get down from that height. And Tunksman subsequently dropped the pill.
Thankfully Burkieman finally earned his recall to the team with a nice bit of razzle dazzle to equalise with seconds remaining.
Only one injury concern was to Rupes who chicken winged himself setting up a touchdown late in the first half.
The ladder sees us out of the top 4 on for/against. Saiyans 12, Freeballers 10, Wii 9 (+7), Racks 9 (+1), Seccers 9 (-6), ACT 21s 7, Omni’s 7, Smokin 6 and Tigers 4.
The team list this week (provided by Rupesman) was:
In: JJSoulman, Xman, Burkieman, Rupesman, Grimman, Tunksman, Haydosman, Sykesman, Scollsman, Seagullman
Out: JJBuckman, Woodman, Stuman, Willman, Lochieman
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Round 3 - Seccers break the no.1 golden rule of Seccers Club
Seccers 7 Tiger Electrics 6
The 2 main outcomes of the struggling hard fought victory over the Tigers was that:
1. Seccers broke their no.1 golden rule of Seccers Club, and
2. You have a test due at 6.40pm Wednesday 11/11/09
The Golden Rules of Seccers Club
1. You don't talk touch tactics* in the post mortem beers
2. Score more tries that the other team
* acceptable beers discussion can include talking up your team mates great tries and defensive efforts, laughing at how you nearly caused an on field fight, how cleverly you disintegrated an opponent mentally or how bad the referee was.
Our struggle against the less fancied opponents had the so called 'touch professionals' dramatically re-enacting defensive plays with drink bottles and playing shoes and much intense discussion of how only the middle players must defend and the wingers are allowed to bludge out wide.
Following this 'discussion' chief lecturer Rupes issued a test that all players must complete. You must, in 500 words or more, discuss the "Anthropological merits of the defensive patterns of migratory wingers".
Full marks though to Grimmo, who was distracted easily and tapped on your correspondent's shoulder, ignoring the discussion, and said "will you have a look at this piece over there". And a tall Amazonian lass playing mixed in the next game, saunters past. Our new found concentration and hypnotic spell was only broken as she attempted to run and she looked rather knocked-knee'd.
So to the game itself, and another sluggish first half saw us claw back to a 4-4 halftime score. The pedantic intense referee once again got under the noses of the Seccers. When the referee announced the score of 4 all at the start of the 2nd half, Woody cleverly asked the referee "to which team?", which had the ref struggling for an answer. This witty sledge provided the only moral victory Seccers had all night with the ref.
2 early 2nd half tries had the Seccers in deep deep trouble. However, there was another legendary fightback. Led by Captain JBuck, who refused to leave the field "until the job was done" the Seccers hit back in rapid response with 3 pies in 3 or so minutes. This proved the difference as the Seccers held on under a mounting penalty count which saw us camped on our own try line for 4 or 5 sets from ridiculous penalties such as 'being a goose for missing a touch', 'not encouraging the opponent to go back 5 metres and play the ball safely out of the reach of our marauding pack' and 'touching with your left hand instead of your right'.
Man of the match was definitely the ref, who found fault at nearly everything we did, but turned a blind eye to the opposition. Was he treating us differently because we looked like elite athletes ready to rip into a fury of fiji touch, and wanted to bring us down a notch or too? Tall poppy syndrome? (we have a few tall poppies). Or did he pity the team that either looked under-fed rodents (who always seem to give us trouble), or obese ex-leaguies who have let themselves go?
The other highlight was when the normally mild mannered Woody got stirred up into a rage and bitch pushed the annoying skinny kid who had given him a gob for the temerity of being cleverly touched. But despite the ref providing the opportunity for both of them to take it further off the field with both being forced subbed, and the youngster snivelling behind his back that he's going to take him on, the action fizzled out as Woody became his diplomatic self again and asked the kid if he'd like him to call his mummy.
In other news, Seccers CEO and occasional player Stuey and his side kick Woody (pictured left) took out the 'best sideline move by hairy backed players' in the 2009 Hirsute Achievement awards.
The 2 main outcomes of the struggling hard fought victory over the Tigers was that:
1. Seccers broke their no.1 golden rule of Seccers Club, and
2. You have a test due at 6.40pm Wednesday 11/11/09
The Golden Rules of Seccers Club
1. You don't talk touch tactics* in the post mortem beers
2. Score more tries that the other team
* acceptable beers discussion can include talking up your team mates great tries and defensive efforts, laughing at how you nearly caused an on field fight, how cleverly you disintegrated an opponent mentally or how bad the referee was.
Our struggle against the less fancied opponents had the so called 'touch professionals' dramatically re-enacting defensive plays with drink bottles and playing shoes and much intense discussion of how only the middle players must defend and the wingers are allowed to bludge out wide.
Following this 'discussion' chief lecturer Rupes issued a test that all players must complete. You must, in 500 words or more, discuss the "Anthropological merits of the defensive patterns of migratory wingers".
Full marks though to Grimmo, who was distracted easily and tapped on your correspondent's shoulder, ignoring the discussion, and said "will you have a look at this piece over there". And a tall Amazonian lass playing mixed in the next game, saunters past. Our new found concentration and hypnotic spell was only broken as she attempted to run and she looked rather knocked-knee'd.
So to the game itself, and another sluggish first half saw us claw back to a 4-4 halftime score. The pedantic intense referee once again got under the noses of the Seccers. When the referee announced the score of 4 all at the start of the 2nd half, Woody cleverly asked the referee "to which team?", which had the ref struggling for an answer. This witty sledge provided the only moral victory Seccers had all night with the ref.
2 early 2nd half tries had the Seccers in deep deep trouble. However, there was another legendary fightback. Led by Captain JBuck, who refused to leave the field "until the job was done" the Seccers hit back in rapid response with 3 pies in 3 or so minutes. This proved the difference as the Seccers held on under a mounting penalty count which saw us camped on our own try line for 4 or 5 sets from ridiculous penalties such as 'being a goose for missing a touch', 'not encouraging the opponent to go back 5 metres and play the ball safely out of the reach of our marauding pack' and 'touching with your left hand instead of your right'.
Man of the match was definitely the ref, who found fault at nearly everything we did, but turned a blind eye to the opposition. Was he treating us differently because we looked like elite athletes ready to rip into a fury of fiji touch, and wanted to bring us down a notch or too? Tall poppy syndrome? (we have a few tall poppies). Or did he pity the team that either looked under-fed rodents (who always seem to give us trouble), or obese ex-leaguies who have let themselves go?
The other highlight was when the normally mild mannered Woody got stirred up into a rage and bitch pushed the annoying skinny kid who had given him a gob for the temerity of being cleverly touched. But despite the ref providing the opportunity for both of them to take it further off the field with both being forced subbed, and the youngster snivelling behind his back that he's going to take him on, the action fizzled out as Woody became his diplomatic self again and asked the kid if he'd like him to call his mummy.
In other news, Seccers CEO and occasional player Stuey and his side kick Woody (pictured left) took out the 'best sideline move by hairy backed players' in the 2009 Hirsute Achievement awards.
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