SERVER RACKS SERVED UP ON A STRATSEC PLATTER

Round 9 Winter - Seccers 8 Server Racks 3
by Rupes

The game started off a little slowly with only 2-3 players on hand at 6.50 kick-off time. By the time we actually started 5 mins later we had 5 players with several on the way across the fields/road.

We ended up with a total of 9 players and were missing the big guns of Messrs Collet, Stejskal, Crossman and the little guns of the Mann. We welcomed the great man - Seagull who was looking for a pre-match warm-up.
The ACT 0/40’s aka the Server Racks, clicked straight into gear and quickly crossed the stripe for their first. From then on it was a few for the good guys with both sides trying to assert their Masters superiority.

We lost the spring chicken Bourkie just before oranges with a sniper or was that a hole, getting him in the calf. Someone asked him if it was bad and he answered in the affirmative - “Yeah it is bad”.

3-1 at drinks I think.

The second half started like the first with the ‘guns’ coming up with 2 to get back to deuce. And then all of a sudden the wind changed. Absolute vintage footy was the order of the night. I would have to say it was probably the best 20 mins ever played by the boys. The Oompahs had no answer to the switches, dummies, hard running, dives, defence, wrap arounds.

Final score 8-3 and the Seccer's boys walked off in quiet jubilation.

Some other notable highlights were:

• Woody running on the treadmill and his classic tap up intercept, 
• Seagull scoring a try while crawling the last 5 metres, 
• the CEO and Rupes getting down low and go,go,go and 
• JJbuckbuck talking jibber to the refs for 50 mins straight.

Late in the game, one of Server Rack's Argentinian superstars ran on with one of those fcuking annoying plastic vuvuzela's to change the momentum of the game, but he was swiftly dealt with by Zinedine Zidane, whose guest appearance for the Seccers earned a rousing reception from the players.
(click the photo to see the video replay of the incident)

  Notable quotes from the post match press conference:

• Burkie said "Honestly all those tries were genuine tries where numbers were created and their defence exploited. All except Cody’s try from a tap. Seriously how could they let that happen! Next thing you know we’ll be scoring off maggots!"
• JJ from Good Times’ said "DYNOMITE !!"
• Grimspoon said "Lets just say, the mens “ACT over 40s” team…is highly over rated! - And we don’t train either!"
• JJ Buck said "The real ACT o'40s team smashed them with no less than 5 o'40s stars either crook or awol! What might the score have been w all the boys on deck?? Coach killer these stratsec legends!!"
• Willy said "Interesting call there Grim. By the sounds of it our nemesis teams are all whippets. Does hitting the pavement count or lifting weights like you mean it matter??"

World Cup for Women - The "Offside Rule" explained

Ladder after Round 9
All teams have played each other now and the top 2 teams look likely grand final contenders for another spiteful affair. Surprisingly Tigers fell out of the 4 with a surprise draw with Cruciates.

POS         TEAM            P    W   L    D   B    BP  FF  For   Ag   Diff    PC       Pts

1         Seccers             9    8    0    1    0    0    0    76    21    55    361.90    26

2         Shooters TFC     9    7    0    2    0    0    0    66    37    29    178.38    25

3         Server Racks      9    6    3    0    0    0    0    70    32    38    218.75    21

4         Cruciates           9    5    3    1    0    0    0    58    35    23    165.71    20

5         Analytic Allstars  9    4    3    2    0    0    0    66    40    26    165.00    19

6         Tiger Electrics    9    5    2    1    0    0    1    60    41    19    146.34    19

7         Ninja Cats TFC   9    2    6    1    0    0    0    33    70    -37     47.14    14

8         Invision Saints    9    2    7    0    0    0    0    46    74    -28     62.16    13

9         HTW                  9    2    7    0    0    0    0    26    79    -53    32.91    13

10       Hammer Time     9    0    9    0    0    0    0    17    89    -72    19.10     9

Leaving touchdowns on the paddock yet again

Round 8 Winter - Seccers 5 Tiger Electrics 2

No proper blog for this round unfortunately.

It's been a few weeks since the event, but this is what I remember:

• again it was a case of leaving a lot of touchdowns on the paddock - if it weren't for our dodgy finishing, we would be creaming the fellow top teams by 10....
• there was another bulldozing billy haydos run (of course only one) which resulted in another fine try to the opening touchman
• Woody scored one of his trademark tries (and showed up with yet another cut on his head with stitches recently removed)
• The Greyhound from the opposition was well and truly marked out of the game
  we never really looked in trouble, except for 2 soft tries just before halftime

Courage, ticker, never say die, great moves, great defence, bombed tries, broken noses...

Round 7 Winter - Seccers 5 Mafia Shooters 5

Courage, ticker, never say die, great moves, great defence, bombed tries, broken noses, mouthy wogboys, knee deep mud, the return of the slightly larger boss... It was a game that had it all.

[I forgot to mention - this was the top of the table clash with both teams undefeated]

Seccers were down 1-3 early in the first half as they exploited our weakness of shortside defence. And there was an arsey backwards over the head pass that caught us by surprise.

However another barnstorming run by Billy Haydos kick-started the fightback.

Seccers hit the lead at 4-3 shortly after break, but we could have blown away the 'passionate' italians if not for 4 or 5 bombed touchdowns over the line. Imagine how much they would have fought themselves if those tries had stuck.

But the score could have also blown out the other way if not for some great defence.

The best 2 were Woody's professional foul ball & all tackle on the wing which saved a certain try. Lucky the soulman tipped off the ref that he slipped in the mud. That excuse also probably saved Frankenwood from being beaten up by the irate Mediterranean and avoided another trip to the hospital for a stitch-up repair job.

Unfortunately the same could not be said for Haydos who put his nose on the line with a try stopper. But instead of his plan to beat up some olives, his dive resulted in a bloody nose from a stray boot. After the game Xman asked Haydos if his nose was always this bent. Soulman made it worse by saying the same thing almost word for word. Hey, it had a bigger bend than Beckham.

It was back to 4-4 before Seccers looked to have sealed the game with a pass that finally stuck. But it was not to be as the one and only penalty for mouthing (no surprises it was JJ Buck), after the olive boys had been getting away with it all game, led to the 5-5 equaliser.

So we are still undefeated & it makes for an interesting finals series with a possible rematch on the cards.

Awesome turn-up for the big game lads.

Postscript.
I had to ref with Pierre in the next game. At halftime after he explained why he penalised 10 people for rolling the ball incorrectly & how he made the top 24 refs in Dubbo...

I said "anyway back to our game, that was a shit penalising us for mouthing."

he says he "gave both teams a warning".

"but they were the only team doing it you pillock & you penalise our first offence for telling one of them to shut up".

"that could have caused a fight he said".

"shut up..."

Ladder

POS		TEAM	P	W	L	D	B	BP	FF	For	Ag	Diff	PC	Pts
1		Seccers	7	6	0	1	0	0	0	63	16	47	393.75	20
2		Server Rack Australia	7	6	1	0	0	0	0	63	17	46	370.59	19
3		Shooters TFC	7	5	0	2	0	0	0	48	31	17	154.84	19
4		Tiger Electrics	7	5	1	0	0	0	1	54	32	22	168.75	16
5		Analytic Allstars	7	3	3	1	0	0	0	48	31	17	154.84	14
6		Cruciates	7	4	3	0	0	0	0	47	28	19	167.86	12
7		Invision Saints	7	2	5	0	0	0	0	40	55	-15	72.73	11
8		Ninja Cats TFC	7	2	5	0	0	0	0	25	60	-35	41.67	11
9		HTW	7	0	7	0	0	0	0	16	75	-59	21.33	7
10		Hammer Time	7	0	7	0	0	0	0	13	72	-59	18.06	7

Mid season stats cause i'm bored

Seccer's stats after 6 rounds

• Best winning streak - 6(and counting)
• Biggest win - 14-0 (round 1 v Hammer Time, who are surprisingly coming last)
• Smallest win - 7-4 (round 4 v Cruciates, who are currently 5th)
• Record against other top 4 teams (Shooters TFC, Tiger Electrics, Server Racks - haven't played them yet - could be why they are still in the top 4 ;-) big challenge as we have them in our next 3 games.
• Average touchdowns scored per game - 9.66
• Average touchdowns conceded per game - 1.8
• Most balls dropped per game (from the chest) - 14 (Xman)
• Big Billy Haydos barn-storming runs per game 2.5 (that's all he can manage)
• World record touchdowns scored by one player in a game - 7 (Burkles)
• Leading hamstring twangs 7 (Rupes)
• Leading defensive sneaks by JJ Buckstar - 45 (called for offside 22)
• Most bloodied noses, chins and foreheads (received) - 3 (WoodyMoiMoi)
• Appearances by CEO Dug Stew - 0 (yes, that's zero!)
• Dummies to team mates in scoring situations, leading to NO score - Burkles, Rounds 1-4 at least 10 per game, Rounds 5 & 6 (amazingly he's passed the ball)
• Players with close resemblance to Graham 'Wombat' Eadie - 1 (Willy)
• Front teeth found on the paddock - 1
• Gold necklaces found on the paddock - 0 (reward se.x. by cute blonde for finding necklance - 0)

POS		TEAM	P	W	L	D	B	BP	FF	For	Ag	Diff	PC	Pts
1		Seccers	6	6	0	0	0	0	0	58	11	47	527.27	18
2		Shooters TFC	6	5	0	1	0	0	0	43	26	17	165.38	17
3		Server Rack Australia	6	5	1	0	0	0	0	50	16	34	312.50	16
4		Tiger Electrics	6	4	1	0	0	0	1	44	30	14	146.67	13
5		Cruciates	6	3	3	0	0	0	0	39	27	12	144.44	12
6		Analytic Allstars	6	2	3	1	0	0	0	38	28	10	135.71	11
7		Invision Saints	6	2	4	0	0	0	0	38	45	-7	84.44	10
8		Ninja Cats TFC	6	2	4	0	0	0	0	24	52	-28	46.15	10
9		HTW	6	0	6	0	0	0	0	15	62	-47	24.19	6
10		Hammer Time	6	0	6	0	0	0	0	10	62	-52	16.13	6

Seccers invalids just able to run and remain unbeaten

Round 6 Winter - Seccers 7 HTW 2 (official score)

[story updated]

With most of the so called stars missing from action & 2 legends of the game missing limbs & hamstrings & unable to run on to the ball, let alone catch it, the seccers were on a hiding to nothing.

Of course you knew i was talking about Xman (whose x factor is dropping the ball in all imaginable ways) & Rupert, both whose hammys had shrivelled away to the proportions of a high note guitar string.

There wasn't much to laugh & cheer about early on, as we coughed up ball after ball & but the line defence held up well, despite a rare blemish by Burkles who let a soft one in on the half time bell.

The second half was supposed to be played conservately, according to Burkles half time recommendations, with the dummy half and roll-ball-dude to pass to each other for 5 touches and then shove the ball up your arse and run over to Adelaide Avenue and dodge the traffic.

Fark that of course, as we continued to Fiji it and fortunately the balls were caught, despite some loose passes with the soap like ball.

There was one hilarious moment when the opposition asked the touch count & some sneaky Seccers rat aka the Soulman, told them it was the 5th, only for it to back fire as Grimspoon demanded the ball next touch with everyone thinking his brain exploded. "Except the 'black' guy who tried to give me the ball" said the white Spoon.

We could have scored many more touchdowns but the last pass was either wildly sprayed onto Adelaide Ave (Big Pete, I said I wouldn't say anything... until the blog) or dropped on the wing over the line.

However, the best was saved to last, with a siren sounding try spectacular from Willy who threw a cut out to Billy the Kid on the wing. As the ball looked headed to the dirt yet again, Billy scooped the ball mm's from the ground and slid across the line in a triple-double movement, to bring joy to all involved.

AND REMEMBER (Esp Billy Haydos) WE HAVE THE BYE NEXT WEEK DUE TO STATE OF ORIGIN

Rupert the Bear shot

Round 5 Winter - Seccers 10 Analytic Allstars 2

Another penetrating attacking raid from deep inside our own half. Rupert switches inside, receives the ball and carves the opposition up the guts.
Only 20m's to go. Try time beckoning. Then...


Wham!! 


The sound of gun shot.

Rupert's legs come out from under him and he hits the deck.


It's all over for him. Hammy torn to pieces by a sniper in the woods. The touchdown glory disappears in a split second.

But the carnage continued, both with injuries to our own so called 'hard men' and of course carnage to yet another opposition, who couldn't handle the razzle dazzle of the decoys, dummies, sidesteps, silky hands and decisive darts, as the boys racked up 10 of the best.

This lovely lass isn't really relevant to the story, 

but she turned up when I Googled "Rupert the Bear shot"

Rupert, recuperating (sulking?) on the sideline, described the night as "a carve up".

"We had old fellas hitting the deck everywhere. We had hammys go, pulled thigh muscles, a pesky ITB being nursed through, a bout of Tonsilitis threatening to bring the Train to a thundering halt and the Soulmann doing his best Woody impression with a sneaky dive touchdown. We had Cody stuck in 2nd gear when at least 3rd was needed, big Pete was too tall to stop the little fellas diving at his feet, Bourky holstering his adept dummy for most of the night and Bucky sitting back with the conductors wand running the show."

Burkie said after yet another off load (more than he's done all winter and the preceding Summer) "i'm a bit scared (or did he say scarred) of the pen. I can't handle another bad write up".

It was a cold night as well. Not so much the wind chill of last week but a frost had settled quite early in the first half. But Rupesy, Big Pete and JJ Bucks braved it out for an extra 2 beers after the game, while they watched Seagull play the serious stuff afterwards, while coincidentally Soulmann ref'd him and denied his team 4 or 5 touchdowns.

The 3 eventually wandered off into the frost, with JJ Buck suspiciously hiding some hard bottle shaped object sticking out of his pants as he used Big Pete and Rupes as cover.

Next week: Seccers (5/5) v HTW (0/5)
Following week: No game (S.O.Origin)

The ladder after R5

POS		TEAM	P	W	L	D	B	BP	FF	For	Ag	Diff	PC	Pts
1		Seccers	5	5	0	0	0	0	0	51	9	42	566.67	15
2		Shooters TFC	5	4	0	1	0	0	0	37	21	16	176.19	14
3		Server Rack Australia	5	4	1	0	0	0	0	44	12	32	366.67	13
4		Tiger Electrics	5	4	0	0	0	0	1	39	24	15	162.50	12
5		Analytic Allstars	5	2	2	1	0	0	0	34	22	12	154.55	10
6		Cruciates	5	2	3	0	0	0	0	28	26	2	107.69	9
7		Invision Saints	5	2	3	0	0	0	0	32	38	-6	84.21	9
8		Ninja Cats TFC	5	1	4	0	0	0	0	17	46	-29	36.96	7
9		HTW	5	0	5	0	0	0	0	13	55	-42	23.64	5
10		Hammer Time	5	0	5	0	0	0	0	9	51	-42	17.65	5

Nightmare on Seccers Street

Round 4 Winter - Seccers 7 Cruciates 4


I had a nightmare recently, and it involved playing a mad game of Touch with an afro wig on, while being refereed by 2 of the world's worst ever referees, Greg 'Hollywood' Hartley and "Barry "the Grasshopper" Gomersall. After being pounding with penalties all game, I was deadset going to score out wide on the wing, with a 2 on 1 advantage, but my inside man Ian 'the Chook' Herron dummied the ball again, got caught and blew the scoring opportunity.

Does this sound familiar to you??

Fark yeah.

Fair dinkum, this was no dream. This happened last Wednesday night, cept for the names.

The little 4ft ref who so reminded me of Hollywood Hartley had an absolute shocker and blew his little whistle like he was sucking on some Oxford St Sausage. Half the time we were left shaking our heads with some of the penalties he pulled. Fair dinkum (again), he wasn't watching the ball, he was probably fixated on the back of your shorts.  It seemed to affect the other ref, who did a fair job for us last week, but this time he was blowing penalties against us as if he didn't want to be overshadowed by the runt of the refereeing litter.

Examples:

• The 2 Julseys touch some bloke in the first half near our line. We were very casual about it because, hey, he was touched and passes the ball after. Straight forward. Hand us the ball. But nooooooo, we didn't shout it out like Leyton Hewitt 'C'Monnnnn, I touched him". Try. 
• Psycho, get's touched on the last, or penalty or something. He has to run back. Has his head down. "Give them the ball". He's still 10m away thinking he's doing the right thing. Bam. Penalty. 10m down the track. 
• One of us makes a touch, runs back to his line. Touches again. Touchdown! Huh? "Oh I said you were offside". What the f---? Did you whisper that to yourself? Someone overhead him say "nice arrse". It's a bit like that army truck driver on anzac day, taking a photo from the rear, and no hands on the wheel. Crash!

You'd almost think we'd lost the game. Far from it, which just goes to show how crap they were.

So while I'm dishing it out. Please note last week's blog about the '1 dimensional play' of our resident world record holder Tim 'the Chook' Burkles. Did I say his conversion rate was good? Did that go to his head?? Possibly. He was probably 0 from 5 in the dummy-to-the-outside man and score himself stakes. Young fella, when you have a 2 on 1 on the wing, your winger is 10 metres away from the last defending who has absolutely no chance of making it. PASS the farkin ball!!  If he's wearing deadlocks, DEFINITELY pass him the ball.

Let's go to some positives. Nah, I couldn't be bothered. I was just more interested in bagging out the referees and slagging off the former Mr Perfect.

Oh ok, nice performance by 'Skylab' Pete, with his 2 tries out wide and his modesty of "you blokes inside did all the work". If that were true he would have got 3 pies, if not for Burkles thinking Skylab was still in orbit and passed so high, that half the team touch Pete before he could get the ball down from the clouds to the pie line.

Look, while I've got an easy target. Someone settle him down would yer. Burkles, that guy must have at least touched you 3 times. You can't keep sooking about it. Hollywood and the Grasshopper were never going to give you a break.

ps. Anyone heard from the boss-man Dougie? Last reports were that he was cavity searched by Danny De Vito in LAX airport for 2 hours. But De Vito never resurfaced...

Also, had anyone found the missing gold chain from the wee cute blond lass before the game started. Just quietly, the lucky finder of that chain would have a great opportunity to seek some nice reward... However, no one seemed interested in finding Will's lost front tooth. Bit Peter, when you hammer in his replacement, can you chose something different? perhaps from your Beaver range?

Looks like we have a more challenging game on hand next week against the Allstars, currently 4th. We missed 2 of our scoring machines Haydos and Seagull this week, so hopefully they'll be back on board for the Allstars.

Meanwhile, we're looking pretty on the ladder, even if our percentage halved.

POS		TEAM	P	W	L	D	B	BP	FF	For	Ag	Diff	PC	Pts
1		Seccers	4	4	0	0	0	0	0	41	7	34	585.71	12
2		Shooters TFC	4	3	0	1	0	0	0	29	17	12	170.59	11
3		Server Rack Australia	4	3	1	0	0	0	0	39	9	30	433.33	10
4		Analytic Allstars	4	2	1	1	0	0	0	32	12	20	266.67	9
5		Tiger Electrics	4	3	0	0	0	0	1	24	19	5	126.32	9
6		Cruciates	4	2	2	0	0	0	0	25	21	4	119.05	8
7		Invision Saints	4	1	3	0	0	0	0	23	35	-12	65.71	6
8		Ninja Cats TFC	4	1	3	0	0	0	0	12	31	-19	38.71	6
9		Hammer Time	4	0	4	0	0	0	0	6	42	-36	14.29	4
10		HTW	4	0	4	0	0	0	0	9	47	-38	19.15	4